Springing a leak - Despite all my efforts to maintain my reputation as "butch," most people know that I'm really a sensitive new age guy. It's not unusual that I get moved by things but every so often, I even catch myself off guard by something so ordinary.

This past week, the ordinary event involved my wallet. I went to grab my wallet to get something out, who knows, my bank card; a subway ticket. But, instead of finishing the task at hand, it hit me all at once. If I were thunked on the head and someone was going through my wallet to see who I was, they would have no idea that I'm from the U.S. There is no piece of i.d. left in my wallet to say anything other than I belong to Canada. In fact, except for my passport and a social security card that I haven't found since I hid it apparently too well when I moved, I have no U.S. identification left. You see, when I went to register for a driver's license and my car, they take all that stuff away. I have to admit, it was a little distressing at the counter when the woman took my NY driver's license and stuck it in a locked drawer.

So anyway, when this realization hit me, I found myself bawling. This was what I wanted, right? To live in Canada, to be with my partner in a place where I had health care and legal protections as a queer that most American queers could only hope for. So why was I snifflin' away like a kid who lost his blankie? Identity is a weird thing. I am who I am regardless of the card(s). But why did it feel like all of a sudden I was live without a net?

I don't have any answers to those questions yet but chatting with another ex-patriot/immigrant a few days later and explaining my breakdown to her, it seems like it's a normal reaction. She said she had almost the same emotional experience as me when they took her U.S. driver's license. She said she made herself feel better by digging up an old social security card and putting that in her wallet. Perhaps, this'll be the catalyst to push me to go through the last boxes of crap that made it over the border to find mine and do the same.

I was thinkin' that this whole "immigration" experience was wrapped up when I landed. What I'm realizing now is that while the "logistical" part is, the "emotional" transition is just beginning.

Moore or less the truth - Last weekend my partner and I, in order to get a break from unbelievably muggy and smoggy weather, did what most without air conditioning do... we went to the movies. After a very brief debate, we decided to go see Michael Moore's new documentary, "Sicko."

I had heard good reviews and, having seen him speak in person once, knew I would like the film. But, I wondered, how would it feel seeing this movie in Canada, one of the places he features in the movie as an example of how medical care can be provided for all. Would people in the audience think that he painted too rosy a picture? Would people cheer at the same parts as me? Would their opinions of America change for the worse (if that's even possible)? Would they pity us more? Would they have a renewed sense of gratitude for what they do have?

Well, for the most part, they did what the generally left-leaning sorts who go to Michael Moore films do... peopled cheered; people laughed; people booed (mostly every time Bush appeared); and I don't know about others, but my partner and I certainly had a few teary moments as well. I felt the movie did the Candian system justice though I checked in with my partner, who's lived there her whole life. As soon as she could get her Canadian pride until control enough to talk again, she agreed.

Having been one of those Americans who have gone for stretches of time without health insurance, I could really identify with the people in the movie. One twist of fate and I could have very well have been on that screen. All the crap that Americans say about "socialized medicine" and how it would ruin the American health care system is just that: crap. Today I was reading an article on the net about people's responses to the movie and one woman from the U.S. said she would never stand for "socialized medicine" because she worked hard so why should she pay for others. Well, there ya have it folks. The reason why the U.S. is the only westernized nation without a national health plan: Greed. It's not that we couldn't provide for others. It's just that we (especially the corporate, for-profit "we") don't want to. Sad and wrong. Wrong and sad but all too true.

I've been lucky so far since moving and haven't had any serious medical issues to deal with. Though I have had enough trips to the health clinic down the street that I think they're starting to get used to how sappy and sentimental that this American gets every time they swipe my card (see my post from January 27, 2007 for my initial reactions after my first trip to the clinic).